The Way Back to Us Read online

“Jeans, a gray T-shirt, baseball cap.” She turned to watch him leave and I caught my first glimpse of her face. The hair was all wrong, but the face—it was Dani.

  “Go, go, go!” He shouted, a stream of officers hustling out the door behind him.

  Felix leaned forward so that he could catch my eye. Honestly, the whole group who’d been holding vigil in the precinct, waiting for Bianca to negotiate Dani’s release, was looking at me like I had any more answers then they did. “What the fuck is going on?” he asked.

  Another cop grabbed Dani roughly by the arm and hauled her toward the back of the precinct.

  I shot out of my chair. “Hey! Don’t touch her like that!”

  Bianca materialized from around a corner and thrust up a hand in my direction, an adamant stop sign. To the officer she said firmly, “I’m only going to ask you once to remove your hands from my client.”

  Begrudgingly he let go of Dani, who immediately rubbed her arm where he’d had a hold of her. “Are you okay?”

  For a second it looked like her face might crumple, but she fought it off valiantly. “I am nowhere near okay.”

  Bianca’s heel clicked against the linoleum floors as she walked to my side. With a hand on my arm she said, “I’m going to find out what’s going on and then we’re going to get her out of here. Okay?”

  “You’re sending me back to my chair, aren’t you?”

  “Please, Gav. Let me handle this.”

  So, I let her handle it. For four long hours I let her handle it. I let her handle it when that prick and his goonies came tromping back into the precinct empty-handed, looking to get their hands on Dani. I let her handle it when I could hear shouting that echoed all the way out to the front. I bit my tongue and sat quietly until she and Dani came walking back out.

  Then, I didn’t even hesitate. I wanted Dani in my arms.

  Chapter 42: Dani

  Exhaustion weighed down my eyelids, fatigue emanating from every pore. All I wanted was a bed—a hard one, a soft one, one without pillows—I wasn’t even picky at this point. But even more than a bed, I wanted to close my eyes and pretend today never happened. I sucked in a deep breath at the sharp ache in my chest. I’d been shot and had my heart broken and nothing, nothing, compared to how I was feeling in that moment.

  Gavin’s fingertips grazed my cheek. “Tell me what I can do.”

  My hand covered his, holding it in place. “Just keep being you.”

  “Are you sure there isn’t someone else you’d like me to be? I’m fairly decent with impressions.” His smile hesitated on his lips.

  I looked up at the door to his condo and his gaze tracked mine. He shook his head. “I can tell them all to go home. We don’t have to do this tonight.”

  Saint that he was, Gavin hadn’t asked for any answers when Bianca led me out of the interrogation room. He hadn’t asked on the ride over, and he was still wasn’t asking. “Yes, we do, because when I wake up in the morning I want to put this behind me and never think about it again.”

  The elevator binged behind us and Bianca strode out, shoving her keys in her purse. She gave me a quick once-over, lips pinching at the corners. “You want me to clear everyone out?”

  I shook my head. “They deserve to know.”

  Six heads perked up when I opened the door—one of them covered in fur and with inquisitive ears. Elvis trotted over and sat at my feet, head cocked to the side. I dropped into a crouch to scratch him behind the ears. His eyes softened as he looked at me, like he knew something intrinsic inside me was broken, and my vision blurred. “I’m just going to grab some coffee and I’ll meet you all in the living room.”

  The two of them reluctantly left me, and I quickly scrubbed a hand over my eyes. Blowing out a heavy breath, I headed for the kitchen, Elvis trailing at my heels. And since my day hadn’t sucked enough, I found Ben rummaging through the refrigerator.

  Ignoring him, I stood on my tiptoes to grab a mug from the cabinet. One K-Cup and the press of a button later and I was halfway to the cup of coffee I desperately needed.

  A water bottle crinkled behind me and a throat cleared. “Are you alright?”

  The edge of the countertop bit into my palms as I squeezed it. “No.”

  “Listen.” Ben sighed. “I know you think I’m an asshole. Which is fine, I’m not here to change your opinion of me. I just hope you understand that these guys are my family, and anything I might have said was only to protect Gavin. It was never about you.” The Keurig hissed as it spit out hot water, and he paused. “I’m glad you’re sticking around, Dani. For Gavin’s sake.”

  It’d been a long day, so my ears could’ve been deceiving me, but that little speech sounded suspiciously like an apology. Or as close to one as I’d ever get from someone like him. I ran a hand over my hair and turned around so I could look him in the eye. “I love him, you know.”

  His thumb tapped against the cap of his water bottle. “Good. He deserves it.”

  “So does Rachel.” I folded my arms across my chest.

  His eyes met mine. It might’ve been the first time he’d ever really looked me in the eye, or at least the first time he’d done it without searing me with his disdain. He looked just as broken as I felt inside; he looked as lonely as a person ever could. “Sometimes even that’s not enough.”

  He didn’t give me a chance to answer him, and by the time I’d grabbed my cup of coffee and made it to the living room, he was back to his typical self—an indifferent, aloof ass.

  Gavin patted the cushion next to him. I sat and leaned into his side, tucking my legs up underneath me. My coffee was still scalding hot, but I couldn’t resist a sip. It burned the entire way down, but I cherished the feeling, the way it distracted me from the way my heart ached every time it beat.

  I didn’t know where to start—with my mom, and the fact that my dad . . . I cringed, my mind retreating away from the mental images that thought conjured up.

  “I like your hair,” Daphne piped up. “Do you change it a lot when you, um, move around?”

  “Almost always. Sometimes color contacts, too.” My gaze dropped to my coffee.

  “Is everything all settled with the police?” Ian asked.

  “Mostly.”

  “Mostly?” Gavin stiffened at my side.

  Nope, I couldn’t sit. I padded over to the window, nervous energy flowing through me. There was no way to predict how they’d respond to my news—how they’d feel about Gavin’s girlfriend being the naïve daughter to a mass murderer.

  I squared my shoulders and forced the words out. “I’ve spent my entire life running because I thought my father got sold out by the NYPD, that they burned his cover and got my mother killed.” I ran my tongue over my lips. “In reality he’s dragged me back and forth across the country, leaving a trail of bodies behind us. He’s a murderer. A monster.”

  I’m the monster that kills monsters.

  My stomach heaved as his justification circled through my head. Like there could ever be any justification for what he did.

  “H-he killed your mother?” Juliet’s voice was barely a whisper.

  I finally turned away from the window. “Yes.”

  “You never went looking for information?” Rachel’s eyebrows zipped together, wrinkling her brow. “Never Googled it?”

  “I never had any reason to distrust him.” I lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “And I used to have these nightmares.” My gaze snuck to Gavin’s, waiting for him to put the pieces together. “Horrible, horrific nightmares. I could barely sleep as it was without digging things up, stumbling across pictures . . .” I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to force back those exact images as they flashed behind my eyes.

  “The police think Dani was involved with all this?” Gavin directed the question to Bianca.

  “We made a deal with them—immunity for Dani in exchange for her assistance catching her father.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Gavin burst to his feet. “She’s just going to pu
t herself in danger, go toe-to-toe with a psychopath—”

  “I already did.” I held the mug to my chest, the warmth of it bleeding through my shirt. “Today.”

  “You what?” His hand curled into a fist and he pressed it against his lips. “Tell me they caught him.”

  I shook my head.

  “So, what, you’re going to do it again?”

  “If I have to.”

  The couch groaned as Juliet stood. “I think it’s time we left.” Her arms wrapped around me in a fierce hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  “We all are,” Ben added.

  In the span of a few minutes, they all filtered out and then there was no one left but Gavin and me. He hadn’t moved at all—his back stiff, one hand wrapped around the back of his neck, his gaze nowhere even in this zip code.

  “Gav,” I said softly, setting my mug on the coffee table so I could lay a hand on his arm.

  He shook his head. “Just give me a minute.” His hands fell to his side and he started pacing the length of the condo—the entire length, there and back, once, twice, three times.

  He stopped in front of me, his fingers brushing through the short strands of my dark hair. “Was there any other choice?”

  “Not if I wanted to stay out of jail.”

  His lips clamped into a line. “Do you think . . . are you in danger?”

  “From my father? No.” My fingers twisted in the edge of his shirt. “But there are people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to use me to get to him.”

  “The police—”

  “Not the police.”

  His eyes widened, then dropped shut, his forehead pressing against mine. “Are you going to run again? Am I going to lose you?”

  My fingers slid around to his back, pressing into his warm skin. “I’m done running. This is where I want to be—with you. If they want me, they’ll have a hell of a fight on their hands.”

  He laughed, and the feel of it vibrated through me. “I’m not sure I’m quite up to the task of being your sidekick.”

  “Don’t worry.” My lips pressed against his, and for that moment there was nothing but us and the inescapable rush of a love that’d changed my life. His eyes were hazy when I pulled back. “I’ve got a few moves I can show you.”

  Epilogue: Gavin

  Much later, Dani’s back was pressed against my front as I held her against me, her skin satiny smooth as I trailed my fingertips up and down her arm. I’d be hard pressed to ever let her go. Especially with everything I’d learned today—that she was the daughter of a professional assassin with a list of enemies ten miles long, that she was on the hook to have to do it again should the FBI deem it necessary.

  I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt so useless and helpless in my entire life.

  I pressed a soft kiss against the spot where her neck met her shoulder. “I never asked what I should call you now. Is it Autumn or Dani?”

  The pillow rustled as she shook her head. “I haven’t been Autumn for a long time.”

  “Doesn’t mean you can’t be again.”

  She rolled toward me, tucking her hand underneath the pillow. “Autumn was this sad little girl who watched her mother die. I’m not sure I ever want to be her again. But Dani . . .” She smiled, the first real smile I’d seen curve her lips the entire day.

  “What about Dani?” I hooked my fingers in her, or my, depending on how you looked at it, I Love Tacos T-shirt.

  “Well, Dani had it pretty good. Not the whole getting shot, nearly bleeding to death, and getting stitched up in a grungy motel room thing, but the rest of it. She got to take art classes and spend her money on these killer milkshakes near her college. She got to see one of her friends get married in the most beautiful ceremony and then she had another friend who fought tooth and nail for her to keep her out of jail.”

  I brushed a strand of jet black hair behind her ear. “Anything else?”

  “I haven’t even gotten to the best part.”

  “Yeah, what’s that?”

  “Dani met the most amazing guy.”

  I grinned. “I think I’d like to hear more about him.”

  A soft wave of laughter rolled through her, making its way to me. “She thought she lost him for a while, but they found their way back to each other. He reminded her that there was a difference between being alive and living. You see, it was something she’d forgotten along the way. And this guy, well he loved Dani fiercely. So fiercely, in fact, that it changed the course of her entire life.”

  I gathered her close until the space between us disappeared. “What about Dani? Did she love him back?”

  Her nose brushed mine as she met my gaze, eyes shining. “More than anything.”

  Acknowledgments

  First and foremost, I’d like to thank every single reader, reviewer, and blogger who picked up this story. Thank you for taking a chance on me, on this book, and on this series. Hearing from you all is always the highlight of my day.

  To my amazing, fantastic, don’t-know-what-I’d-do-without-you agent, Jessica Watterson—thank you for everything you do. I am so grateful to have you in my corner. There’s no one else I’d rather have by my side. I’m so excited for what comes next.

  To Meredith Tate, my forever-CP, I can’t possibly thank you enough. Your endless cheerleading has meant the world to me; you always know just the right thing to say. Luckily you moved to another continent so you’re awake to answer all my texts from the craziest hours. You are the best and I couldn’t do this without you.

  To Kelly and Heather—you two are always there to listen and vent to when I need it most. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  To the NAC—I’m so grateful to have all of you.

  To the lovely ladies of Happily Ever Always—you make me laugh, smile, and swoon. There’s a reason you’re my favorite corner of the internet.

  Much love to my entire family—you know who you are.

  To Lynn, for the time I needed to actually write this book. And for my sanity.

  To Aidan, for always challenging me, making me think harder, and delve deeper.

  To Caroline and Jules, for the giggles, the joy, and the early-morning cuddles.

  And lastly, to Steve—you still know why.

  About the Author

  Author photograph © Jamie Howard

  Jamie Howard is a legal and compliance specialist by day, author by night, and holds a Bachelor’s degree in Art. When she’s not tapping away at the keyboard or capturing the world through her trusty Canon, you can find her binge-watching TV shows, devouring books, and perfecting her gaming skills. She lives with her husband, son, and three dogs in New Jersey, and is almost always awake early enough to see the sun rise, even on the weekends.

  Jamie is the author of Until We Break, Until It’s Right, and the Love Unplugged series. She is represented by Jessica Watterson of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency.

  You can sign up for email updates here.

  Also by Jamie Howard

  The Love Unplugged Series

  All the Ways You Saved Me

  The Feeling of Forever

  The Way Back to Us

  * * *

  Until We Break

  Until It’s Right

  Thank you for buying this Swerve ebook.

  To receive special offers, bonus content, and info on new releases and other great reads, sign up for our newsletters.

  Or visit us online at us.macmillan.com/newslettersignup

  For email updates on the author, click here.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Prologue: Gavin

  Chapter 1: Gavin

  Chapter 2: Gavin

  Chapter 3: Gavin

  Chapter 4: Dani

  Chapter 5: Gavin

  Chapter 6: Dani

  Chapter 7: Gavin

  Chapter 8: Dani

  Chapter 9: Gavin

  Chapter 10: Dani<
br />
  Chapter 11: Gavin

  Chapter 12: Dani

  Chapter 13: Gavin

  Chapter 14: Dani

  Chapter 15: Gavin

  Chapter 16: Dani

  Chapter 17: Gavin

  Chapter 18: Dani

  Chapter 19: Gavin

  Chapter 20: Dani

  Chapter 21: Gavin

  Chapter 22: Dani

  Chapter 23: Gavin

  Chapter 24: Dani

  Chapter 25: Gavin

  Chapter 26: Dani

  Chapter 27: Gavin

  Chapter 28: Dani

  Chapter 29: Gavin

  Chapter 30: Dani

  Chapter 31: Gavin

  Chapter 32: Dani

  Chapter 33: Gavin

  Chapter 34: Dani

  Chapter 35: Gavin

  Chapter 36: Dani

  Chapter 37: Gavin

  Chapter 38: Dani

  Chapter 39: Gavin

  Chapter 40: Dani

  Chapter 41: Gavin

  Chapter 42: Dani

  Epilogue: Gavin

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Also by Jamie Howard

  Copyright Page

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  THE WAY BACK TO US. Copyright © 2017 by Jamie Howard. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.stmartins.com

  Cover design by Oceana Garcea

  Cover photograph: couple © Peopleimages/iStock.com

  ISBN 978-1-250-11994-0 (ebook)

  First Edition: December 2017

  Our eBooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, ext. 5442, or by e-mail at [email protected].